What did you say…?
Have you ever stopped to listen to how you sound when you’re speaking? Is it the way you would want someone to speak to you? Have you mentally justified it by saying that the other person deserved it? Or that you were angry?
Would that matter if you were on the receiving end of it?
Whether you’re justified or not, you’re projecting an image of yourself to the world that may not resemble the person you want to be. And if you’re having difficulties with your kids, this can be all the more damaging. Sometimes I think if we could have a mirror available at our most trying moments with our children and see exactly what we are showing them–we’d probably change it really quick.
But adults still harbor an inner child. They’re hurting and need comforting and guidance, too. Cutting them down with sarcasm or chiding words doesn’t do much in the way of encouraging someone else to act better. Effectively, if your rationale for speaking this way to someone has to do with their behavior or acts–you’re not really motivating them to do things differently. You’re just hurting them in the process of trying to get your point across.
I had a client who dripped with sarcasm and clear annoyance for her spouse. It came across in how she spoke and her unhappiness carried over into a rather biting tone with most people. Finally I advised her: “Talk to EVERYone as if they were someone ELSE’s two-year-old.” Think about that. How would that differ from how you generally speak? Even with your own kids–how would another parent feel if you spoke to their two-year-old that way?
This probably won’t be a struggle, but something that you never gave consideration to. Or maybe just didn’t have a short and clear reminder of how to handle it. If you find this hard to do, get in touch with the reason it’s hard to do. Are you unhappy? Are you angry? Are you hurting? Are you afraid? What is the deeper underlying reason this would be a struggle.
If you feel like you can’t do this, maybe it’s time to get in touch with yourself and reset the course of some things in your life. My Total Transformation Group Program can be a huge help in doing some looking inward and connecting with yourself on a number of levels. It also allows for entry at any time, and is done by phone and internet. And in late February, I will be kicking off the Super Mom Group Program to help moms get a handle on all the stuff that overwhelms us. Also done by phone and internet. Check us out. 🙂